遗憾 大于 悲伤

"Do you still have strong feelings towards him?"

I don't know man.
Going into the 3rd month, or 4th?
My maths is bad. I lost count of days. Never wanted to count anyway.

Somewhere deep down, someone is still waiting for something.
Which is stupid? lol I'm tired of being active.

Used to reject so much on flashbacks. Ended up suffering more. More heartaches. sober nights, like a big crying baby. Till now, I learnt to let it flow. It's sad. But not the heartache it used to be anymore. Not that kind that I am so pissed why are we both abandoned, why we gave up, why am I stupid, why can't we stay for a little bit longer to work things out. Heartbreak each and everytime when all the flashback hits. Now, all left is sadness. Sad of there's no more happy endings; sad of we couldn't witness and go through what we've planned, you planned. The bigger bed you mentioned to change for us; the air conditioner you planned to fix, the weekends you said you will try to make it overnight with me; the travel plans you've suggested; perhaps to some romantic proposals that I could say yes? haha. It was in my mind all times, I never tell. And now they've ended.

Anyhow, guess the good thing is I'm getting better?As you wish? of all sadness, weeping, missing.
At least no more tears for February, maybe a few drops but let just put that as sore eyes. hah.
Although I'm very confused of who am I, what am I doing. I'm still alive.

Just indulge whatever I wanted to.
Get a puff. Get a drink. Get some stun. Get some numb.
Get a hug. Get a cuddle. Get a kiss. Get some love.
Seriously chill, and warm. Confused, but who cares.
It's all about enjoy the moment, stay alive.
Give and take. Chill and be happy.
Right?

Maybe I'll learn to fall all over again? Someday. With all my pieces.

Everglow - Coldplay

“Everglow” by Coldplay

is about the feeling of warmth or happiness

that comes with the sadness you feel 

when you think about a relationship, situation, or friendship

that has now ended.

oh they say people come, say people go

this particular diamond was extra special

and though you might be gone, and the world may not know

still I see you, celestial

like a lion you ran,  a goddess you rolled

like an eagle you circled, in perfect purple

so how come things move on, how come cars don’t slow

when it feels like the end of my world

when I should but I can’t let you go?

but when I’m cold, cold

oh when I’m cold, cold

there’s a light that you give me when I’m in shadow

there’s a feeling you give me, an everglow

like brothers in blood, sisters who ride

and we swore on that night we’d be friends til we die

but the changing of winds, and the way waters flow

life as short as the falling of snow

and now I’m gonna miss you I know

but when I’m cold, cold

in water rolled, salt

I know that you’re with me and the way you will show

and you’re with me wherever I go

and you give me this feeling this everglow

oh- I I I I

what I wouldn’t give for just a moment to hold

yeah I live for this feeling this everglow

so if you love someone, you should let them know

oh the light that you left me will everglow

梦

忘了多久没发梦 2个月？4个月？半年？一年？不论累或不累 一夜安眠一夜无眠 一早开眼脑子一片空白
when is the last time I've dream about you and wake up with a contented feel?

忘了何时开始 梦里除了妈妈的样子最清晰最吵最有存在感之外 其余的人物都是模糊的 连潜意识都不知道他们到底是谁 他们静静的存在着 我默默的看着这场看不明默剧



昨天你的声音出现了

是你想通了吗

不 是我想多了


所以 我醒了。

I lost the world
when you leave.

I lost myself
when I have to push you away.

疯狂? 梦想?

什么

是梦想?

自 .缠

我的心脏跳动着
节奏之中你活着
你不可能不曾　不出现　不相遇
我这么想　可以　改变些什么

我的罪恶继续著
能不能休息片刻
我不可能不曾　不抓住　不爱你
我这么想　可以　欺骗些什么

我的心一举一动　回忆在看
风吹草动　都趁机飞扑向我　知道我懦弱
你会不会在笑　会在说
早知道 自从我的离开 你痊愈不了

我的任何的决定　回忆念著
伤痕自责　都趁机大力讽刺　知道我防备
你会不会承认　会在说　我的错
早知道　我爱你　我爱你　太少

一个疲惫的角落
不断摧毁的自我
我不应该相信　相信时间　相信空间
过去根本　没有　真的过去过

我的心一举一动　回忆在看
风吹草动　都趁机飞扑向我　知道我懦弱
你会不会在笑　会在说
早知道 自从我的离开 你痊愈不了

我的任何的决定　回忆念著
伤痕自责　都趁机大力讽刺　知道我防备
你会不会承认　会在说　是我的错
我早知道　我爱你　我爱你　太少

Thanks Facebook for reminding its gonna be the first birthday and Valentines without you.

Thanks for being cruel enough to break my heart like how I broke yours.

WONDERFUL.

Am I the only one weak as shit to miss you since you left? Things got better but gets 10times worst when there's holiday and occasions.

I need brownies.

Dear God Please Help me.

First time looking back all the photos from travel, couldnt explain whats hitting me.
But I hate myself so fucking much.
Hate myself wasting opportunity to enjoy
Hate myself wasting time thinking shit
Hate myself wanting whats not mine
Hate myself forgeting whats mine
Hate myself selfish as fuck
Hate myself hurting you hurting us
Hate myself weak as hell

Hate myself I wish I could die at some point of the day, like now

那天伟胜给我说了你的近况也了解了我的近况
其实有几分动摇 我们是不是真的有机会重新开始还是就这么结束了
可是为何来诉说的不是你自己为什么每次都要把自己最内心的瞒着
为什么当初那样为什么现在会这样为什么为什么为什么为什么
伟胜尝试分析着一切一切 给了我好多如果 我答不着 因为单方面的诉说再多如果最后也是时间问题变成同一个结果

再想想也许这结果对你最好吧
时间会为你冲淡一切冲淡这孽缘让我增添你的恨加快你的进展吧就如你尝试用在我身上的
增添你的恨能让你更迅速的看开所有 接受新的全部
她一定比我更好 因你值得更好。


现在
就这样吧

不带祝福 不带悔恨



每一天总有一段时间出窍经过的每段路每间店每句话都历历在目 刚开始眼泪每每都随着回忆不停地流却又无可奈何 后来每一天就这么重复着泪水止了尽管心仍纠痛着 拼命努力往前看 想想身边陪伴着的告诉自己有一颗心去接受弥补失去的 想你了就呆一呆想哭了就睡一睡 想起了我们就嚎啕哭一哭 深信总有一天我也会好好微笑的 深信总有一天我可以用着最平淡的心情面对你问候你收拾你给我的一切收起我们所拍过的相片 每天都对自己说明天会更好 你会活得更好 我也会活得更好

只盼在这段日子不伤害另一颗对我好的真心 好好的向前努力淡忘过去
只能一个人期盼着..