遗憾 大于 悲伤

"Do you still have strong feelings towards him?"

I don't know man.
Going into the 3rd month, or 4th?
My maths is bad. I lost count of days. Never wanted to count anyway.

Somewhere deep down, someone is still waiting for something.
Which is stupid? lol I'm tired of being active.

Used to reject so much on flashbacks. Ended up suffering more. More heartaches. sober nights, like a big crying baby. Till now, I learnt to let it flow. It's sad. But not the heartache it used to be anymore. Not that kind that I am so pissed why are we both abandoned, why we gave up, why am I stupid, why can't we stay for a little bit longer to work things out. Heartbreak each and everytime when all the flashback hits. Now, all left is sadness. Sad of there's no more happy endings; sad of we couldn't witness and go through what we've planned, you planned. The bigger bed you mentioned to change for us; the air conditioner you planned to fix, the weekends you said you will try to make it overnight with me; the travel plans you've suggested; perhaps to some romantic proposals that I could say yes? haha. It was in my mind all times, I never tell. And now they've ended.

Anyhow, guess the good thing is I'm getting better?As you wish? of all sadness, weeping, missing.
At least no more tears for February, maybe a few drops but let just put that as sore eyes. hah.
Although I'm very confused of who am I, what am I doing. I'm still alive.

Just indulge whatever I wanted to.
Get a puff. Get a drink. Get some stun. Get some numb.
Get a hug. Get a cuddle. Get a kiss. Get some love.
Seriously chill, and warm. Confused, but who cares.
It's all about enjoy the moment, stay alive.
Give and take. Chill and be happy.
Right?

Maybe I'll learn to fall all over again? Someday. With all my pieces.